We have to figure out what time to leave for the next appointment. The conversation goes like this, “Shall we set a time when we go? The response is, “Set a time? Set what time? Surely we just agree on what time to leave, we don’t need to determine that.”

Well, then you decide what time we go, right? But so that sounded far too formal for the other person. And so he found it irritating and unnecessarily complicated. For the recipient of this question, the word “determine” implies a process of decision-making. And indeed, this does not require a complicated process. But I can’t imagine the other person interpreting it that way. Coming up with a departure time is not complicated. What is behind this? That the one, nota bene not someone who thinks very black and white, or in modern color language: not very blue, wants to agree on something and uses a word that provokes irritation in the other. Because the tone in which he said, “How to determine” was quite sharp. Probably something from the past. Probably other people have often determined something for him. But that too is an assumption…. Anyway. A word can have a completely different connotation for one person than for another. Sometimes language is so tricky. Is there something behind it with the person who says he wants to determine it? Not in my case, but in a general sense you can note this: what is your drive to say something? This example is of course one to neglect, but if this happens too often, you are misunderstood, then it is wise to check with yourself why it evokes this kind of reaction. A short conversation can help you. The better you communicate, understand each other, the easier and more enjoyable life and work will be. Who doesn’t want that? If you want more insight into your drives ( motivation ), why you do what you do and say, give a shout.